A human voice meanders—but meaning guides the meandering. It does not scoop blobs of foodstuff in endless rows.If Oliver Twist were confronted with such blobs of written porridge, he would not ask for more.
A human voice meanders—but meaning guides the meandering. It does not scoop blobs of foodstuff in endless rows.If Oliver Twist were confronted with such blobs of written porridge, he would not ask for more.Tags: The Homework Machine Shel SilversteinStandard Ting For EssaysCollege Application Essay How LongCover Letter InternshipsEssays Competition Success ReviewNarrative Essay If I Had A Million DollarsBusiness Plan For Insurance AgentInformation Technology Business Continuity Plan TemplateOrigin Of Your Name EssayScholarly Literature Review
However, when eating from a partitioned plate, a diner might have a bite of burger, then a spoonful of baked beans, then back to the burger, and then the macaroni salad.
The palate satisfies its complex needs for texture, taste, choice, and proportion.
Not so for the consumers of the five-paragraph essay, who must move through Point 1, then Point 2, and then Point 3. It is arbitrary force-feeding to the point of indigestion.
After the body paragraphs, and if readers have not already expired, they may read the Conclusion, which is actually a summary of the Introduction.
First, the five-paragraph essay constricts an argument beyond usefulness or interest.
In principle it reminds one of a three-partitioned dinner plate.Each bite is not food for thought but another dose of the same.It is like Miss Trunchbull in the Roald Dahl novel, forcing the little boy to eat chocolate cake until he bursts—with the exception that no one on this planet would mistake the five-paragraph essay for chocolate cake.I only reference the scene’s reluctant, miserable consumption past all joy or desire.Third, the five-paragraph form flattens a writer’s voice more than a bully’s fist flattens an otherwise perky, loveable face.Even the most gifted writer cannot sound witty in a five-paragraph essay, which makes one wonder why experts assign novice writers this task.High school students suffer to learn this form, only to be sternly reprimanded by college professors who insist that writers actually say something.The primary virtue of such dinner plates is that they are conveniently discarded after only one use, much like the essays themselves.The secondary virtue is to keep different foods from touching each other, like the three-body paragraphs.There is no sense of building one’s argument or of proportion.Second, critical thinking skills and the organization of the essay’s flow are impaired when a form must be plugged and filled with rows of stunted seeds that will never germinate.