Life Threatening Experience Essay

Life Threatening Experience Essay-59
Spending many hours by his side, I have seen how the combination of oriental medicine with traditional Western pharmaceuticals has worked wonders in helping him maintain his vitality.Spending time with him in the hospital, I have massaged his muscles to relieve myalgias and provided him with the moral support that is crucial to effective recovery.

Spending many hours by his side, I have seen how the combination of oriental medicine with traditional Western pharmaceuticals has worked wonders in helping him maintain his vitality.Spending time with him in the hospital, I have massaged his muscles to relieve myalgias and provided him with the moral support that is crucial to effective recovery.

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Health is not something that can be taken for granted, and for me, the responsibility of maintaining health reaches beyond caring for myself.

Over the past two years, I have faced the toughest test of my convictions by caring for a dear friend who suffers with HIV.

She encouraged me to read more about oriental medicine and look beyond my symptoms to the deeper root causes of my illness.

Eventually, through a combination of herbal supplements and dietary and lifestyle changes, I was able to wean myself from a diet of prescriptions and gradually find balance in my health.

In general, I maintained the basic structure of your paragraphs but made many changes at the sentence level.

I rephrased some parts that sounded awkward, varied vocabulary, corrected spelling mistakes, adjusted sentence structure and punctuation, and shortened some of your passages.

Diagnosed with the same unknown autoimmune disease, my mother’s sisters found relief in acupuncture and yoga, but my mother turned to surgery to treat her pain.

Unfortunately, surgery could not ease her suffering, and my mother still experienced far more discomfort than her sisters.

The following are specific comments on the individual paragraphs of your essay: This is the most important paragraph of the piece. Your original first paragraph alluded to your work experience, juxtaposing the effectiveness of Western and alternative medicine.

This is a fine approach, but you have a much more compelling detail–the story of your own illness–that could illustrate your point much more effectively.

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