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In the first example, there are almost no additional questions implied, but the revised example allows for a good deal more exploration.If you are having trouble getting started, try using the models below to generate a rough model of a thesis statement!
This statement is concise, but it is neither specific nor arguable—a reader might wonder, "Which scholarly articles? Identifying similarities and differences is a good first step, but strong academic argument goes further, analyzing what those similarities and differences might mean or imply.
Better: In this essay, I will argue that Bowler's (2003) autocratic management style, when coupled with Smith's (2007) theory of social cognition, can reduce the expenses associated with employee turnover.
You can see here that the student has simply stated the paper's assignment, without articulating specifically how he or she will address it.
The student can correct this error simply by phrasing the thesis statement as a specific answer to the assignment prompt.
In the revised thesis, you can see the student make a specific, debatable claim that has the potential to generate several pages' worth of discussion.
When drafting a thesis statement, think about the questions your thesis statement will generate: What follow-up inquiries might a reader have?
The new revision here is still concise, as well as specific and arguable.
We can see that it is specific because the writer is mentioning (a) concrete ideas and (b) exact authors.
Sometimes students think scholarly writing means constructing complex sentences using special language, but actually it's usually a stronger choice to write clear, simple sentences.
When in doubt, remember that your ideas should be complex, not your sentence structure.